FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE :-D

FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE

By: Thirdee Deacosta

Day by day, I'm excited to wake up for I know that there's someone out there who I can say good morning to.

There's not a minute that passes by when I'm not thinking of you.

You give me hope when the world seems to be turning against me.

You become my weapon when I'm faced with my adversaries.

You who I call when I'm melancholy,

For you can make me smile with your funny stories.

You who make me sane when I'm thrown in the dark,

For your bright presence just hits the mark.

You who I desire to be with every night,

For when we're together everything feels right.

You who can knock me off when I'm not myself,

For your wisdom and insights always help.

You who I believe is my security blanket when I'm afraid,

For your love carries me through the hardest crusades.

You who I miss the moment we part,

For I know we are inseparable from the start.

You who I can lie down in the dirt without being disgusted,

For your mere touch turns me on and the filth's forgotten.

You who I can walk a thousand miles with and not be exhausted,

For it's like traversing on cloud 9 and I'm therefore uplifted.

You who always encourage me to go after my dreams,

For you constantly tell me that I deserve the applause and the screams.

You who make me feel that I'm breathtaking,

For you perpetually assure me that I'm good-looking.

You whom I dedicate the most wonderful songs to,

You who I want to dance with in all the romantic venues.

You who I will be faithful to in all circumstances,

You who I'll protect in all perilous occurrences.

You who I consider as my fortress of solitude.

You whom I'll forever offer my sincerest gratitude.

You who should read these heartfelt rhymes,

You who I promise to love at all times.

:-D

My Own Kryptonite

Yesterday, I was already on the verge of breaking down for I don't have a solid grasp yet on what truly lies ahead. I keep on asking myself, is there really something out there for me? A question that I needed to attend to and when I didn't have a ready answer, I had panic attacks. These attacks usually happen when I don't know what's going to happen. I keep on worrying about the future and when I'm anxious, all I see is pitch black. Sometimes it scares me for I can't breathe and my heart beats incessantly. I know that this is all in the mind but my mind is so powerful that it devours my every being, making me weak and powerless.

I have been dealing with this for quite some time now and there may be a lot of ways to suppress the feeling but I need a permanent solution. Before, all I do is go out, unwind and relax myself but after awhile, it crawls back to my system, making all my fears come to life.

So yesterday, I had to cling on to who I believe is the most powerful of all, GOD! I went to a church where I wrote all my petitions including my plea to ask for the perfect solution to get rid of this. I prayed fervently and it felt like He spoke to me.

I think He told me; "Son you shouldn't worry at all about anything, you are destined for greatness! Always remember that you're not alone, I gave you your beloved family and friends who can take care of you at all times. Remember as well that you can defeat all the negativity by hanging on tight to your faith and by believing that you can indeed triumph over all of this madness"

After the divine intervention, I felt the freedom! I felt that I'm on my way to eradicating this predicament. I even went to a place where I usually find utmost serenity; in the arms of the one who I believe God has made for me.

I know that this is a gradual process and it may resurface sometimes including suspicions, paranoia and nervousness that are adjoined to anxiety attacks and for this I already apologize to those people who may be affected by this.

Furthermore, I want to believe that this is just one of those kryptonites that resurface every once in a while to make me see that I am not indeed invincible. That I am still human, vulnerable and susceptible to pains and sorrows.

But just like any weakness, there's a corresponding strength that can overpower it! And now I would want to make use of my strength of not giving up easily. I want to make all of this right! I want to make all the people I love happy and not at all feel the burden of dealing with a person with anxiety attacks.

I'm still young, the journey to complete sanity is way too far for it can only be felt in heaven. But this one I promise, I'll do my very best to remain a hero to a lot of people. I still want to continue on giving advices about career, family and love. I would still want to always project a smiling face for I know that this is my way of making others feel that God is there and He'll never leave us.